Steppin' out

Monday morning March 28 at 10:30 I am taking a giant step. In 1967 I took a giant step and ended up in Haight Asbury for nine months. I was taking that step in search of myself. I didn't find myself in San Francisco (nor did I leave my heart there), but it was the first step in the journey that brought me to know myself better than I had ever before. I stepped out alone and began my adult life. It has taken me many places and through good and bad times. I married and lost a man I will always care deeply for. I gave birth to three fantastic humans, who gave me 6 fantastic grandchildren.

Now, here I am at 56 ready to take another big step toward being the person I really want to be. A healthy human who can face the rest of the world on more equal footing than I have since I was 8 or 9 year's of age. I saw my first diet doc at 8. I was never "normal" If there is any such thing. In spite of feeling the misfit all my life, I managed, with God's help and the support of my closest friends, to put together a fulfilling and useful life. I have come to cherish that life more and more as I age and now I want to prolong it as much as possible.

That leads me to this next step. I will be having Bariatric surgery in 6 days. I don't expect to ever be thin, (who knows) but I dream of being able to walk with my family, wear real jeans for the first time, wear shoes that are not of the tennis kind, sing a whole song without getting dizzy, and so many other things that I have not even thought of yet. And, contrary to the name of my blog, I will not be alone. My best friends who watched me leave for Haight-Asbury with fear and trembling, will be there with fear and trembling, maybe, but still watching my back. My sons will be there and a future daughter-in-law (whom I have already come to love). And my daughter and son-in-law will be with me in spirit from Washington State. In the days that follow, my friends and family will come to watch over me until I am back on my feet and beginning the next leg of my journey. My life in recent year's has become more and more restricted and I am grateful for this chance and for friends and family who support me in taking it. You will be hearing from me on the other side of this big step. I know it will be a hard walk, but I gladly begin with the first step.